Blossoms in Lotus

Support Networks with Strangers…

…are not so weird or new. Back in the days before teh Interwebz, craft magazines had a back section of classified ads and one of the sections was Pen Pals. You looked through until you read an ad from someone who sounded interesting and then you sent a letter to the address they posted and hoped that they liked what you wrote enough to write you back. 

People posting in magazines their interests and their home address sounds more risky than starting a blog or going on Facebook. So, haters, get off my back about safety and privacy.

As I was saying, I have found a great deal of support from people that I’ve never met in person but that I feel I’ve come to know by reading their posts. Sometimes I feel they are being supportive just by sharing things that they feel that I have also felt — this is the support via “I’m not the only one.” Sometimes they just come right out and say, “Hey, get over yourself and have a great rest of the day,” and I feel — surprisingly — better.

Too, Too Long Between Updates…

So. With Reviving Romanticism as my inspiration, along with Steve Jobs and a few other people, I quit my job that I hated doing almost more than I hated the people in my department and their dysfunctional crazy-making. I am nearly finished with the semester that I’ve spent finishing my certificate in entrepreneurial welding. I have started a business but have yet to sell any product. I have spent less than $2k on tools and materials. I’ve been a bit distracted by all the learning. 

Quitting my job meant that I could spend hours and hours in the welding department. It turns out that the folks here are really amazing and incredibly intelligent. It’s been so long since I felt at home somewhere and liked the people I spent so much time around. It reminds me that it IS possible to find a job where my skills and my abilities will be appreciated and valued. Now, I just have to hold out until I find it or get my business going like crazy (enough to pay bills). I’m back to growing my hair out (but I’m going for very thick, layered bangs this time) and boxes of hair dye to cover my grey roots. 

I was told by my mother…

…that it would be difficult to stay in touch with my best friend when we moved to another state. She said that Becky would forget me. She didn’t want me to stay in touch because she and my dad were really fucked up and they wanted to start all over and pretend that everything would be okay.

So, I’ve never been good at staying in touch with people. I hate calling people because my mom made it so horribly difficult for me to have a phone conversation with any of my friends. I suck at writing to my friends because they won’t remember me anyway.

The Internet has made a huge difference in my world. I have regular contact with friends via Facebook and have found friends that I care deeply about on Twitter and on Tumblr. Sometimes I even call people.

It’s strange that after all these years, I still have difficulty re-recording a better version of the tapes in my head that my mother and father recorded for me.

I started to write…

sex, sleep, eat, drink, dream…

I’m not sure what my iPod is trying to tell me — second time through in less than ten minutes.

I started working with metal…

…last fall. I took an art metals class and took on a ginormous project that is still not quite done but only because I’m so picky about my vision for the finished project. I only mention it because I noticed tonight that after all the various art classes that I’ve taken (drawing, acrylic painting, photoshop, design studio, typography, and some others I can’t remember right now), as I look around me, I see more of my metal projects than anything else I’ve produced. I have the bronze heart on a stand, the aluminum “I love you” hands, the copper rose, the pinetree-sun-moon scene. Outside are the model for the phoenix and the very nearly finished big phoenix. I guess I’m happier with my metal working than with anything else I’ve done. I think it feels more like I’ve actually produced something from within me.

I’ve had three great teachers. Jim taught me to love metal working. Scott taught me the joy of metal working. Bill is teaching me the craft of metal working. I am so fortunate to have three truly great and supportive teachers.

I think I have greater ownership of the things that I’ve made in metal than the things I’ve made in the other classes. I don’t know why that is but there it is. I think I feel more connected to metal than I have with every other medium.

Today I learned how to use a cutting torch and I cut a design out of a 16” long, 6” diameter steel pipe. It was exhilarating. The line that I cut looks like I have Parkinson’s but I have every confidence that I can get better.

I think that demonstrates another realization that I had tonight. I’m learning to take a leap of faith more often and sooner with metal working than I usually do. I am a very cautious person and prefer security over risk. I am uncomfortable walking downstairs without being able to see the steps (yet another reason I am not a dancer). Scott taught me how to use the cutting torch, I practiced on some flat metal, I practiced on some spare pipe, then I cut my design. I just jumped in thinking that it would be better to get it done and move on with the other parts of the project than to meditate and practice until I was confident and dawdle and worry.

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AJ